I talked on here a lot about my mother, I find it cathartic to speak about her and my journey to be transformative.
Going through our first holidays without my mom was strange and difficult. Leading up to them and knowing I was going to be experiencing them without her, I was going through some changes, some uncontrolled and some by my own doing. I pushed myself to a brink, in fact. I recognized the place I was in mentally then and where I had been for almost two years before. I took myself to the edge of an abyss and looked out into it. I stared my demons in the eyes. I also saw at that moment that only I had to power to push myself forward.
We carry demons. Those things that burden us. Fear, doubt, guilt, anger, depression, or what have you. For a couple years now I've been letting them tear me apart. It's affected work, my personal life, my health, and others around me. After my mother's death I was just worse.
So I saw them, and I pushed myself to face them. We may never truly shake our demons, but we can keep them at bay.
I told myself that the start of the new year would be it. Specifically January 2nd, a Monday and the day we had nothing more to do with 2016. That morning I woke up and I was a new person.
I looked into the darkness, turned my back and walked away - my demons snarling and gnashing their teeth as they receded into the depths.
I'm now wholly and effectively focused on work, my relationships, and my health. I've made strides in my business and worked in new hobbies and interests. Soon we'll be moving, but we don't know where to yet, and this doesn't frighten me - it excites me. I recognize I'm in a similar state I was in when we moved to Charleston. When we came here, I could be a new, stronger person and love myself. I could experience new things and become the person I wanted to be.
I look forward to that opportunity again. So I pledge to keep moving, keep that momentum going and always carry the fire.